20. Act III Scene 3
THE SAME,
then gradually the COCKS.
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Stopping short, amazed.] Braekel? At my party? There's some mistake.
THE BRAEKEL COCK [
Bowing before her.] Madam--
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Breathless with emotion in the presence of this white COCK
braided with black.] This unexpected pleasure--
THE MAGPIE [
Announcing.] Cock Ramelslohe--
THE GUINEA-HEN Heavens!
THE MAGPIE [
Finishing.]--of the Slate-blue Claw!
THE PEACOCK [
In the GUINEA-HEN'S
ear, while the startling RAMELSLOHE
bows.] He is one of the most recent leucotites!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Blankly.] A leucotite--How interesting!
THE MAGPIE [
Announcing in a louder and louder, more and more impressive voice.] Cock Wyandotte of the Sable Spur! [
Shiver of emotion among the HENS.]
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Off her head with excitement.] Heavens and gracious powers--my son!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK [
Running to her.] Mamma!
THE GUINEA-HEN Wyandotte! Cock Wyandotte!
THE PEACOCK [
With a fine carelessness.] Cock with strawberry coronet, product of Art Nouveau!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
To the newcomers who are surrounded by astonished murmurs.] Strawberry coronet!--Gentlemen--
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK [
Who has gone to take a look outside.] Mamma!
THE GUINEA-HEN --so kindly condescending to honour my poor house--
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK Mamma, there are still others coming!
THE MAGPIE His lordship, the Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN Heavens, what Cock?
THE MAGPIE Cock of Mesopotamia with the Double Comb!
THE GUINEA-HEN Double! Oh! [
Dashing to welcome the newcomer.] Charmed, charmed indeed!
THE PEACOCK Out upon the obsolete! I wished to show you a few young gentlemen slightly superlative and veritably precious.
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Returning to the PEACOCK.] How shall I thank you, Peacock, dear friend? [
To the PHEASANT-HEN,
patronizingly.] You will excuse me, I know, you charming little thing. You must understand, my dear, that his lordship the Cock of Mesopotamia has just arrived! [
Running to the COCK,
who bows his two combs.] A proud day for us! Charmed, delighted, enchanted!
MAGPIE Cock d'Orpington of the Feather-ringed Eye!
THE GUINEA-HEN Feather-ringed--Oh!
THE BLACKBIRD The plot thickens!
THE MAGPIE [
While the GUINEA-HEN
is flying toward the ORPINGTON COCK.] Bearded Cock of Varna!
THE PEACOCK [
To the GUINEA-HEN.] A typical Slav!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Leaving the ORPINGTON
for the BEARDED COCK.] Oh, the Slav soul we have heard so much about! Charmed, beyond words, charmed!
THE MAGPIE Rose-footed Scotch Grey Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Leaving the BEARDED COCK
for the SCOTCH GREY.] Oh, that rose foot! I do admire that rose foot! Think of introducing that rose foot at my tea! [
With conviction.] What a social event!
THE MAGPIE Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Out of her senses.] No, I say, no! There can't be any more!
THE MAGPIE Cock with Goblet-shaped comb!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Who at every name rushes excitedly toward the newcomer.] Charmed, I am sure! Oh, what a novel notion! Goblet-shaped!
THE MAGPIE Blue Cock of Andalusia!
THE GUINEA-HEN Your egg, I presume, was laid in the vibrating hollow of a guitar! Delighted and honored,--both!
THE MAGPIE Cock Langsham!
THE PEACOCK A Tartar!
ALL THE HENS [
Smitten with amazement at sight of the black giant.] A Tartar!
THE MAGPIE Gold-penciled Hamburg Cock!
ALL THE HENS [
At sight of the gold-laced COCK
in the cocked hat.] Gold-penciled Hamburg!
THE GUINEA-HEN My kitchen-garden party will be famous! [
To the HAMBURG COCK,
whose breast is striped with black and yellow.] Oh, what a wonderful waistcoat! May I ask what it is made of?
THE BLACKBIRD Of zebra!
THE GUINEA-HEN Zebra, you don't say so! It will be the pride of my life, of my whole--
THE MAGPIE Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Jumping.] No, I can't believe it!
THE MAGPIE --of Burma!
THE GUINEA-HEN Burma! [
Increasing general agitation.]
THE PEACOCK An East Indian.
THE GUINEA-HEN Oh, I can see his Hindu soul right in his eyes, the Hindu soul we hear so much about! [
Running to the newcomer, in an adoring voice.] Charmed, charmed! The Hindu soul--oh!
THE MAGPIE Padua Cocks--The Dutch Padua of Poland!
THE GUINEA-HEN Dutch of Poland! This is really more than I ever aspired to!
[
The PADUA COCKS
enter, shaking their plumes.]
THE MAGPIE The Gold Cock! The Silver Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
In ecstasies of admiration before the flowing plume of the latter.] With a waterfall on his head!
THE BLACKBIRD And a suspension bridge!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
No longer conscious of what she is saying.] And a suspension bridge! THE PHEASANT-HEN [
To PATOU.] Poor Guinea-hen, she will say anything after anybody!
THE MAGPIE [
Announcing in a louder and louder tone ever more extraordinary COCKS.] Bagdad Cock!
THE PEACOCK [
Dominating the tumult.] Consummately Arabian Nights.
THE GUINEA-HEN Did you hear? Consummately Arabian Nights!
ALL THE HENS To be sure! Awfully Arabian Nights!
THE PEACOCK Kamaralzaman himself is hardly more so.
THE MAGPIE Bantam Cock with ruffles!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Transported.] How eighteenth century this is! Look, oh, look! A dwarf! A dwarf! Dwarfs! Little cunning bits of dwarfs!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK [
Low.] Mamma, do control yourself!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Screaming in the midst of the COCKS.] No, no, I can't and won't! That is Kamaralzaman! I don't really know which I prefer, which I--
THE MAGPIE Guelder Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Rushing to the newcomer.] This is truly a treat! Another Belgian!
THE MAGPIE Serpent-necked Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Rattled.] To you, dear Seacock, I owe this Perpentneck!
THE MAGPIE Duck-sided Cock! Crow-billed Cock! Hawk-footed Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Who has fallen upon the new arrivals, bursts into shrill volubility before the last of them.] This surpasses all! An albino! Charmed, my dear sir, honoured, enchanted! Oh, on his head he wears a cheese!
A HEN So he does, a cheese!--A cream cheese, to be sure! A cream cheese!
ALL THE HENS A cream cheese!
THE MAGPIE Crève Coeur Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Rushing to meet him.] Oh, he has horns on his head!
THE PEACOCK Satanic.
THE MAGPIE Ptarmigan Cock!
THE PEACOCK Aesthetic.
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Rushing up to him.] Oh, he wears on his head an Assyrian helmet!
THE MAGPIE White Pile--
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Rushing up to him.] He wears on his head--[
Stopping short at sight of his docked comb.] Nothing whatever. He wears nothing whatever on his head. How odd it looks!
THE CAT [
From his apple tree, to the BLACKBIRD,
indicating the WHITE PILE GAME-COCK.] There is the champion. The dust conceals a razor on his lean foot. [
The GAME-COCK
disappears among the throng of fancy COCKS,
who are surrounded by a swarm of cackling HENS.]
THE MAGPIE Negro Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Gone quite mad among the multitude of COCKS
now filling the kitchen-garden with their extraordinary head-gear aigrettes, and plumes and helmets, double and triple combs.] Charmed, honoured, enchanted--enchanted, honoured, charmed!
PATOU She has taken leave of her wits!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
To the empty air.] Charmed, charmed, enchanted, en--
THE MAGPIE Cock with Supernumerary Toe!--Naked-necked Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN Naked?
THE MAGPIE Necked!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
To a HEN.] My dear, now we shall see something worth while!
THE MAGPIE Japanese Cocks--Cock Splendens!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
At sight of this COCK
whose tail is eight yards long.] Oh!--In a swallow tail!
THE MAGPIE Clump-backed--
THE BLACKBIRD [
Perceiving that this COCK
is absolutely flat at the back.] In a monkey-jacket!
THE MAGPIE [
Finishing.]--or Tailless Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Beside herself.] He has nothing whatever behind! This is the crowning moment of my career! [
To the newcomer, effusively.] Charmed! No tail! This is--
THE BLACKBIRD I like his cheek!
THE MAGPIE [
While more and more heterogeneous COCKS
appear.] Cock Walikikili, called Choki-kukullo! Pseudo-Chinese Cuculicolor!
THE GUINEA-HEN What a choice gathering!
THE PEACOCK Kaleidoscopically cosmopolitan.
THE MAGPIE Blue Java! White Java!
THE BLACKBIRD [
Losing all shame.] Won't Java cup o' coffee?
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Falling upon the JAVA COCKS.] Charmed, charmed!
THE MAGPIE Brahma Cock! Cochin Cock!
THE PEACOCK [
Proudly.] The great vicious Cocks, representatives of the corrupt East, the putrescent Orient!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
Intoxicated.] Putrescent!
THE PEACOCK Unwholesome, morbid grace!
THE GUINEA-HEN [
To the COCHIN COCK.] Charmed! Charmed!--Do notice his obscene eye!
THE MAGPIE [
Announcing wildly, infected with the general delirium.] Chili Cock, curled hindside fore! Antwerp Cock, curled inside out!
ALL THE HENS [
Fighting for the newcomers.] Oh, putrescent!--Oh, hindside fore!
THE GUINEA-HEN Inside out!
THE MAGPIE Shankless Jumping-cock!
A HEN [
Fainting with emotion.] I suppose he jumps with his stomach!
THE GUINEA-HEN An India-rubber Cock!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [
To PATOU,
who from his wheelbarrow is looking off into the distance.] And Chantecler?
PATOU Will be here soon.
THE PHEASANT-HEN Can you see him?
PATOU Yes, off there, scratching up the earth. Now he is on his way.
THE MAGPIE Ghoondook Cock with Umbrella Topknot!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM Oh!
THE MAGPIE Iberian Cock with Lint Side Whiskers!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM Oh!
THE MAGPIE Cock Bans Backin or Fat Cheek of Thuringia!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM Oh!
THE MAGPIE Yankee Cochin of Plymouth Rock!
[
Sudden silence. CHANTECLER
has appeared at the entrance, just behind the COCK
last announced.]
CHANTECLER [
To the MAGPIE.] Pray simply say, "The Cock!"