30. Love And Grammar
On the day following Roxy's infare, Mr. Adams took Mr. Whittaker down to Miss Rachel Moore's rooms, and, in defiance of all the customs of the time, was married privately, with no witnesses but Mark and Roxy. Miss Moore would have liked a little more of ceremony, a few friends, and some little show. But when Mr. Adams told her that people of their age would better be married without any nonsense, she answered, " Very likely, very likely, my dear Mr. Adams ! che-he-he."
On the night of the infare at Bonamy's, some of the young fellows who were not invited, showed their wit by perpetrating a transposition that joke that is as old as sign-boards themselves. No doubt in Babylon sign-boards were changed round at night so as to make good Assyriac puns and other such jokes.
And what mischievous boys probably did in Babylon in B. C. 1841, that they certainly did in Luzerne in A. D. 1841. For Mr. Adams, on the morning on which he was to be married, found over his shoe-shop door a sign which read, " Miss Moore, Millinery and Mantua-maker," and Rachel Moore came near snickering her head off with mingled shame and pleasure to find " T Adams, Boot and Shoe-maker," at her place of business. It was characteristic of Adams that he let the signs remain as they were that day. Only he had the wedding earlier in the day telling Rachel that when they were married the joke would be spoiled. To which she replied that she thought it very likely indeed. At any rate she willingly conspired to spoil the joke.
But the old man was resolved that the joke should go no further. Hearing that he was to be shivereed that night, according to the usage by which widowers, and old maids, and all whose weddings are eccentric, are serenaded with skillet lids, and "dumb-bulls," and "horse-fiddles," and bells, and tin pans, he put a stop to it in his own fashion. He borrowed a double-barrel shot-gun, and carried it ostentatiously down the main street. When Tom Pilman, the rough who led all such serenading parties, saw him pass, and hailed him with : " Hello, Adams ! What you going to do with that gun ? " he made answer, " We're going to have a serenade at our house tonight, and a coroner's inquest in the morning." The empty gun stood peacefully in a corner that night, and there was no shiveree.
Mrs. Rachel wanted to continue her business, and Adams gave consent. There was a dignity and authority about her position as modiste, which she did not like to surrender. She thought she would rather keep "help" to do the work at home, and go on as usual, dealing in ribbons, and bonnets, and general intelligence. Only her husband stipulated that her sign must be changed.
"' Millinery and Mantua-maker,"' he said, sneeringly. Why, you aren't for sale, Rachel, are you ? "
" Very likely, Mr. Adams," she said, in a blissful and absent-minded titter.
" Why, Rachel, you must have lost your wits! "
"Very likely. Che-he-he!"
"But the sign must be changed so as to read 'Milline and Mantua -maker.' Don't you think it ought to bo changed ? "
" Very likely. The ' Miss ' ought to be changed to ( Mrs.' now. Che-he-he ! "
Poor Miss Moore had dreamed so long of that change.
" That would make you Mrs. Moore," said Adams. " Aren't you going to take my name ? "
" Oh yes ! I forgot. I'm Mrs. Adams. It seems so strange to change a lady's name che-he for the first time, you know. Now you're used to it, you know. Oh ! I forgot die -he-he men don't che-he-he change their names, do they ? "
Adams gave up making her understand his scruples of grammar, at least until she should recover from the idiocy of her honeymoon. He had the sign changed, however, and Mrs. Rachel Adams read it every time she approached the little shop, in a glad endeavor to impress it on her own mind that her reproach among women was taken away, and that she was an old maid no longer, but on a par with any other " Mrs." in town.
In the matter of finding a help, Mr. Adams consulted Jemima, whom he met in the street. Did she know anybody that he could get ?
" Yes, I 'low I do," she answered.
"A real good tempered person and trustworthy?" asked Adams.
"Awful trustworthy, and crusty enough to keep you company any day, Mr. Adams."
" Well, who is it ? " said the shoe-maker. " If she'll only q-iarrel with me, I don't care. I'd like a little quarreling, and you can no more quarrel with Rachel than you can with sunshine itself. Who is it that you mean ? "
" Tlie fust letters of her name's Jemima Dumbleton, aud she's got a powerful dislike to the male seet in particular, and to most men in general."
" Would you leave Henrietta ? "
"I ruther leave'r'n not. I dislike the male sect, but Henrietta I dislike on her own particular account. She's too good for me."
Adams was pleased to get Jemima, and immensely gratified at having a chance to defy Mrs. Hanks at the same time. Poor subdued Mrs. Rachel was shocked. To brave Mrs. Hanks was too much. But Adams told her that now she was his wife, she must hold up her head and show her independence, or Henrietta would run right over her. " You're a married woman now, Rachel," he concluded.
At which Rachel smiled audibly, and answered, " Very iikely, my dear."