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Dear readers,

'Why They Married' by James Montgomery Flagg was published in 1906.

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K. C. Lee
Story Collector
September 7, 2015

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DEDICATED
TO SEVERAL OBLIGING MARRIED COUPLES
WHO HAVE POSED
FOR SOME OF THESE PORTRAITS

---

Don't be ashamed to let us know
Why you tried matrimony,
For others brave the under-tow
For reasons quite as funny;
We give these little facts away,
Perhaps it is a treason,
Don't marry in an off-hand way,
Be sure "there's a reason!"

THE AUTHOR

She Kept Her Word

Maud hung onto straps in the Subway and "L,"

No man ever said "Take my seat!"

She swore that she'd marry the first one who did--

The next day her husband did meet!

She Looked So Docile!

John Quincy tho' kindly and gentle, declared:

"The man must be master, by gum!"

But his outlook on life, is just what his dear wife

Lets him peer at from under her thumb!

Ever Know It To Fail?

"I never could marry that kind of a man!"

Said Miss Sue of a fellow named Sid--

So of course the gods heard her and laughed when they saw,

'Twas exactly the kind that she did!

A Tonic

Miss Luella Gloaming was naturally glum,

So she married young Grouch, the recluse;

For she says when she's sad, she just looks at his face--

Then she can't help but laugh like the deuce!

Explained At Last

Mr. Pinhead was worth eighty millions,

Miss Nothingbutt had eighty-two;

Why do cash and spondulicks get married?

Spondulicks and cash always do!

Really She Did

You never can guess why she married this man,

There's no use the matter to mince,

She married him merely because he had hair

Like her lost Pomeranian, "Prince."

True Companions

These people are mated exactly,

And all that remains is to tell,

That she is a bully good talker,

And he listens equally well!

So Thoughtful Of Father

Again to the altar went widower Brown,

When his grief he could decently smother,

He explained it to every acquaintance in town;

"My poor children needed a mother."

Now She's Way Above Par

Billy Margin, a broker, did wed Ysobel,

Her shape counted most in his eyes,

Now her figure's no more, and Billy is sore,

For he finds he had bought for a rise!

Fate

The rector got married to Annabel Gauze,

The rector was gentle and good;

He made up his mind that he'd marry because

She had made up her mind that he should!

A Matter Of Taste

He married her because she didn't swagger like a man,

Nor did she stand with feet apart, toes in,

She wasn't a "good fellow," thickly coated with a tan--

She was merely lovely, really feminine!

In Round Figures

Now here is a couple who seem of one mind,

What on earth made them think they'd agree?

Why, he didn't care for the lean scraggly kind,

And it's funny, but neither did she!

Sports!

He thought she was wealthy; she thought he was too,

Not thinking each other a grafter,

They found out between them there wasn't a sou--

So they laughed and lived happily after!

They Will Do It!

Both poor as Job's turkey and not overstrong--

Hold a three dollar job the man couldn't--

We are forced to conclude that they married because

There was every good reason they shouldn't!

Wanted A Change

Young Twentyperr looked carefully before a wife he took,

His wife would have to know a thing or two,

He wanted to be certain that his spouse knew how to cook

The way his mother didn't use to do!

High Finance

Jonas Granitt married and he knew that he was cute,

A Mrs. Drudge, his housekeeper, no less,

For he owed her two years wages--you'll admit he was astute,

Now he doesn't owe her anything, I guess!

Side-Tracked

These people wed in self-defense,

All social life they missed,

They found themselves outside the fence,

For neither played bridge-whist!

Aha!

Pious Mary knew that Jake

Gambled and drank rum too;

She married to reform the rake--

Now see what she has come to!

A Pretty Smooth Gentleman

Mary thought her husband was the finest anywhere,

He was the satisfaction of her life.

He knew too much to ever say, "Why don't you dye your hair?"

Or praise another woman to his wife!

And, Great Scott, He Likes It!

Steve looked for a captain and not for a mate

And his friends all agree she was found,

Why, they say that the reason he's putting on weight

Is because she just ordered him 'round!

Labor Saving

When his wife died he married her sister,

A practical man was McGraw,

"In this way," he said, "I've no trouble

To break in a new mother-in-law."

A Shame To Take The $

Young Rebayte, Jr. had a stack,

A show girl he did wed,

She married him behind his back,

For she had turned his head!

No Objections

Izzy Morris Fiddlebaum

Wed Leah Meyer Rosen,

For neither had a prejudice

Against what's called "The Chosen"!

These Lots will go to the man who marries me...THE OWNER

Quite Reckless

She loved him for he was so brave,

Yes, in that line quite peerless--

He married this widow with seven kids--

By gosh, was not that fearless?

Don't

These foolish happy people here,

Mehitabel and Harry,

Disdaining quite those words of "Punch"

To those about to marry!

(End)